You know what they say: some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you’re chewing on life’s gristle, don’t grumble; give a whistle, and this’ll help things turn out for the best.
– Monty Pyhon’s “The Life of Brian“
I woke up this morning with sore shoulders, a creaking knee and raging tinnitus in my left ear. On my way to the bathroom I also stubbed my little toe.
As I winced, I asked Alexa to give me a news and weather update. She replied happily to expect rain, wind and the Fed to continue to raise interest rates.
When I finally got to the kitchen, I found that I was out of coffee.
Yup! My day was off to a roaring start.
I sat down, sans caffeine, and cracked open my journal to write. As I thumbed through the pages a folded sheet of paper fell out onto the floor. I picked it up and began to read. Soon, I was smiling and back on track.
Here’s what I read. I don’t know who cane up with this, but it got me through the day.
don’t take life at face value
“Life is a sexually transmitted disease.”
“I have a photographic memory. But I always forget to take the lens cap off.”
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
“I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.”
“I can resist everything except temptation.”
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”
“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
“I have the memory of a goldfish. Every lap around the bowl is a new adventure.”
“I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing by deadline.”
“Life is like a sewer, what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.”
