With all of the amazing things I’ve experienced and accomplished in my life, you’d think that entering my 3rd act would be a graceful and welcome process.
If you thought that, you’d be incredibly wrong.
My 3rd act so far has presented me with challenges to my health, my career, my family and my purpose.
Since turning 50, I have experienced the death of my wife’s mother, father and twin sister. I’ve also settled a few confusing estates and trusts that included annuities, several wills, two properties and several lockers of random things. Additionally, my mother has been diagnosed with Parkinsons and has asked me to make sure she, and my autistic brother, are taken care of.
On top of it all, I was diagnosed with a golf ball sized brain tumor in my lower skull. After an over 13 hour surgery, the amazing doctors at Duke removed the bulk of it. As a result, I’ve been left with continuously ringing tinnitus, balance issues and single sided deafness in my left ear. My last MRI showed about 1.5 cm of my tumor is stubbornly stuck to my brain stem. So I have to endure scans every 6 months to make sure it stays 1.5 cm. At times it feels as if there’s a time bomb ticking away in my head.
So, I’m an over 57 former director of business development that has no attention span due to the incessant ringing in his ear. I haven’t worked outside of my home in the last few years, and I’m facing the declining health of my beloved mother. To say that my self identity and purpose has been challenged is an understatement.
However, through it all I have been able to move ahead. In fact, there are areas of my life where I feel that I’ve thrived. Through it all, I have developed a list of absolutes that have empowered me to continue to grow. It’s my hope that they may help you as well:
1. Embrace the uncomfortable
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsch
The first absolute of life is that most of it is messy, noisy, unfamiliar, challenging and uncomfortable. Our minds struggle to move us through the moments without conflict. However, the more we seek out comfort, the less likely we are to experience it as we age. By confronting feelings of fear, anxiety, or discomfort we learn how to actively overcome them. As a result, we grow stronger and develop grit and resilience.
This mindset is essential if you hope to facilitate your own personal growth and self-improvement. It opens the door to building resilience, adaptability, and confidence in the face of life’s challenges. Also, it grows the ability to be creative and innovative, as stepping outside of your comfort zone can inspire new ideas and perspectives.
While it can be a difficult, or even frightening, prospect, embracing the uncomfortable can be a powerful conduit for personal growth. Discomfort and challenges are a part of living, especially as we age. By facing them head-on, we become stronger and more capable individuals
2. Believe in yourself
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt
I’ve benefitted from a strong support network of friends, family and caregivers. However, at 3:00am when I awaken with my anxieties, it’s my inner voice that vanquishes my doubting thoughts.
Having faith in your abilities, skills, and potential, even when faced with challenges or setbacks, is essential in maintaining a resilient outlook. This is especially true for those of us who are over 50.
As we age, we increasingly avoid taking risks, trying new things, and pushing past our comfort zones. This is unfortunate since we have the advantage of experiencing, and overcoming, life’s challenges firsthand. These experiences are the foundation for self-belief. We often overlook the hard-earned lessons that life has taught us. However, if we look inwards we can find multiple examples of how we adapted and overcame adversity.
We should take time to meditate on our strengths, accomplishments, and positive attributes. Also, we must work diligently to surround ourselves with supportive people who believe in us and our abilities, and seek out opportunities to challenge ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically.
Remember it’s not about being perfect or having all the answers, but rather having the confidence to trust in ourselves and our ability to evolve and grow.
3. Practice Humility and gratitude
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie
I’m so thankful that I live a life filled with things I truly don’t deserve. When I consider all of the blessings that surround me, often the result of people I will never know or meet, I often feel overwhelmed with gratitude.
Cultivating a mindset that values and appreciates the contributions of others is take continuous practice. It amazes me how little we recognize the role that luck and circumstance play in our lives. If we are honest with ourselves, we will acknowledge our individual limitations and weaknesses, and open our eyes to the unseen forces that enable us to rise above them. All the while being grateful for the opportunities and blessings continually rain upon us..
By practicing gratitude, we cultivate a sense of appreciation and contentment, even in the face of challenges or adversity. By practicing humility, we learn from others and grow as individuals, while also building stronger relationships and connections with those around us.
Remember, it’s not just about being humble and grateful, but also about living a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.
