- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up.
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they’d be a chicken sedan.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
- Why don’t seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
- I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
- Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
- Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
